“2018 has been a wonderful year made up of hard moments, but God has been faithful. He has stayed by my side and reminded me:
“Losing your dream doesn’t mean losing your hope.
Suffering doesn’t mean your kindness suffers.
And a change of plans doesn’t mean your God changes.”
This year, I’ve found joy in sharing the love of Christ with all the babies I meet. If I’ve held your child this year, most likely I’ve whispered to them “God loves you. He is always with you.” Because I’ve learned the importance of positive soul talk and I don’t think people hear those truths enough. I believe even the smallest among us have a soul that needs to be fed truth, joy, peace, and love from their Father. Just know, no matter how old you are, this is true for you too: “God loves you. He is always with you.”
Dear friends, I pray that as we close this year we can enter 2019 with truth, joy, peace, and love because God loves each of us and He is always with us. He has good plans for us—even if they don’t seem good in the moment. After all, as Patsy Clairmont has said, “God doesn’t wear a watch…and he hasn’t been late yet!”
The paragraphs above were taken from my wife’s Instagram post from December 30, 2018 (credit: @mary.beth.antunes.)
I am beyond blessed to have a wonderful wife in Mary Beth. Her heart is pure, and her passion for loving others is profound. She is my role model in so many ways. I believe that I would not have gotten through 2018 without her love and support. MB has helped my relationship with God grow to be more intimate, and she’s everything I could ever ask for in a wife. She helps make me the best version of myself. I count myself to be truly blessed getting to do life with her. God uses her, and I hope that He uses me to help further His kingdom.
As 2018 started, I was on fire professionally. My business was the top performer in our area within the company I represent. We crushed 2017 and had a hot start to 2018. Things were going pretty well. We had one team member moving on to start his own business; I was feeling extremely confident in my professional life. Really, I started to feel almost invincible.
Within my spiritual life, things were going well. I was helping lead two different small groups, had a Bible study with my team at work, and spent more time in Scripture and prayer than I had in my entire life. I was comfortable surrendering control of my marriage, finances, our longing to adopt, really almost everything in my life. Almost everything.
I started a business in 2016 when I was 26 years old, and honestly, for the first two years things were not too hard. We were profitable, we had a great team culture, we were praised by our company for our performance—really, we couldn’t do any wrong. I started to feel like I was the best leader and God’s gift to the business community in Nashville.
Man, I was in serious need of a dose of humility.
On May 10, 2018, I got on my knees and said a prayer. Up to this point, I was able to trust God with every aspect of my life—marriage, money, family, really everything. Everything but my business. I had been talking to Mary Beth about how to give up control and trust God with the business. She told me to just talk to God about it.
I got on my knees and asked God to show me how to trust Him with my business. I prayed that my team members would go forth and spread the Kingdom of God. “God, take this business and use it completely for Your good works. Let Your will be done.”
After about ten minutes, I stood back up and felt a sense of relief. The burden of the business that I had been carrying felt lighter. My business is one that is governed by several different state and national regulatory bodies, so there is a dearth of compliance standards that we have to meet. No less than five minutes after I said my prayer, I received a call on my cell phone from our local compliance executive. Now, this is not a call you ever want to receive in my line of work. He informed me that my office was being investigated by our company for potential wrongdoing. I was to be interviewed a week later as part of the investigation. It was vague, ambiguous, and honestly, the whole thing sucked.
After I had my interview, I heard nothing from my company for over two months. The fate of my future ability to transact business was up in the air. I was a nervous wreck, and depression began to sink in. There was a four day period where I didn’t even leave my home during this time. I withdrew from my friends, some family members, other people in my field. My motivation was crippled, and I felt like there was a 10,000 pound burden on my shoulders. My marriage was challenged because of the situation, and my health began to suffer as well.
Sometime in June 2018, I remembered what I had been praying for right before I got the call the month before. I asked God to show me how to trust Him with the business. God showed me exactly how to do that. Throughout the investigation, I had no choice but to trust Him. Nothing, in regards to the potential outcome, was in my control.
On July 13, I received the call with the final results of the investigation. I got to keep my business, and we were penalized with the equivalent of being grounded for a few months. My prayers during this time had turned from “help me get out of this” to “let Your will be done, no matter the outcome.” I was given the opportunity to stay in business, and I thank God everyday for that.
I am just now getting to the point where I feel like myself again. My faith was challenged in a way that I had never experienced. It has taken me six months since finding out the verdict to get back into the swing of things. I am not a finished product, but my relationship with God is growing in intimacy. I do not believe I would be where I am without the trials that have been put in front of me.
The American dream is “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Those things are not intrinsically bad, but I believe that God is calling us to something deeper. Something that is sustaining. Something that gives purpose and peace. I believe that God is calling us to pursue JOY.
Over the course of this blog, I will be sharing updates on my personal path, devotionals, and really anything that will help us as sojourners.
I invite you to join me on this journey.
-Shea
Ps, I have nothing but great things to say about my previous employer. I met the best people I’ve ever worked with through that company, and I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity. We had a challenging period, but I’m thankful for that period of time.
Living in the Pursuit of Joy 